Bistari Janus

While applying to JVI, I kept hearing about community, and just thought of it as the people you live with, but over the past year I have learned that it is something that becomes a part of you, and those you share it with are woven into your life forever.
Katie and Sean, were more then just the people I came home to. We worked together, ate together, explored together, and lived together in all senses of the word. Which is what makes their recent leaving so difficult, because for so long they have been all that Nepal is to me. When ever I needed something, I always could count on them from khurta shopping, to book recommendations, to life conversations, they were there. Over the past year we have shared so much of our lives together and learned from each other. It is difficult to picture what Nepal will be like, now that I can’t hop on a micro and meet Katie for some chiyaa or build a tent with Sean.
I was challenged and stretched by both of them and found a deep respect for them. They both took me in, this girl from Chicago with the Wisconsin accent, and made me feel at home in a place that was anything but. They listened to my stories, and told me theirs. We spent hours after dinner was finished and chiyaa was drunk, deep in conversation, learning and growing.
Sean was the one who taught me about the history and politics of Nepal. He made a mess seem somewhat understandable. He taught me how to ride a bike in Kathmandu, he showed me the wonders of Blue Fox, and he was always willing to go get last minute veggies for dinner. But beyond that, he listened when I needed someone to, he took my sass, and gave it back, and he cared in a place that can feel so uncaring at times.
Katie taught me my Nepali, she taught me how bargain, to make the best banana bread, to buy khurtas. But these are also just things. Beyond this, she was my support, my anchor when I felt lost. She showed me how to be a woman in Nepal, and gave me comfort when that was hard. I learned that hospitality goes both ways, and that even when you are exhausted, there is always time for chiyaa. We could talk for hours about anything, but mostly importantly we could just be.
I didn’t realize that when I left home, I would find another here. I didn’t expect that when I left my family, I would form another here. And now just like when I said goodbye at O’Hare, I find myself with that same emptiness as I said goodbye at Tribhuvan airport. But I find comfort in knowing that I carry them with me, and that just like family we will always be apart of each other.

One Year

It is hard to believe that I am actually writting this blog. When I first got to Nepal, I never thought this day would come and now that I am here, I fear that it will come again all to quickly. At times it seems like yesterday I arrived and on others it feels like I have been here a life time, and yet I still am discovering Nepal. It is hard to reflect on a year that I don't feel has happened. Was it really a year ago, that I arrived in Tribuviran Airport? For those at home it may feel like that and more, but for me, it still feels surreal at times. When I am on a micro riding up to Godavari and see the clouds along the mountains, I can't help but wonder if this is a Lord of the Rings inspired dream. When I walk into 3C laughing and running around, I can't help but wonder am I really lucky enough to spend my days with them? When I am with my family drinking chiyaa and learning Nepali, I think how am I this blessed? Or when I am in the kitchen with Pat, D, and Sarah, laughing and talking it's hard not to feel like this isn't real.
I am grateful for all that this exprience has brought me so far and I am looking forward to what I can take from it in this coming year. I have learned a lot about life and expectations in the past year. It has been an unexpected journey to be where I am today. I came to Nepal expecting to do social work with HIV/AIDS patients and students, and I am a class 1 and 3 math teacher. I came to Nepal thinking I would be living in "town" and now feel more at home in the village. I came to Nepal expecting stablitly and found my life unstable for ten months. I came to Nepal thinking I would have the same community for a year but am finding myself having to relearn what community means to me. And while this was not always easy, I am grateful.
I have thought a long time about what it would feel like to be at this point; one year. I still am not sure if I will ever fully understand all that this year has brought, but I do know that I want to continue to fall in love with this place. To be as awed by its beauty as when I first arrived. To never find something mundane, to seek out the good, even in the difficult times. I have been streached and challenged beyond what I thought I could this past year, and I want that to continue. I want to keep growing, and to let Nepal in. Into my mind, my actions and my heart. I hope that in a year from now I feel an emptiness in leaving as I did a year ago when I left home.
While at the Bangkok airport I wrote a journal entry that said "Expirience it, let Nepal in, and let whatever go that keeps you from this. Be broken." At the time I had no idea just how much this would effect my time here. I have learned that allowing yourself to let go of the past, to let go of the future and to just live in the present, allows you to be apart of life, and not just a watcher. By letting myself be broken by what I expirience, I find myself open to all that Nepal brings, both good and bad, which allows me to live and just be in Nepal. This has been a long and difficult journey that I am still on, but each day I find something else to inspire me from the Grandfathers who walk their grandsons to school every morning, to the little girl who falls asleep on my shoulder in a micro.
And while I still miss home and those I love, I know that I carry them with me wherever I go, and that this expirience is mine as it is theirs. But for now, I need to continue to grow in love, while here. I accpeted this position not knowing anything about Nepal, and now, I can't imagine not knowing it. And that is a good place to be.