One Year

It is hard to believe that I am actually writting this blog. When I first got to Nepal, I never thought this day would come and now that I am here, I fear that it will come again all to quickly. At times it seems like yesterday I arrived and on others it feels like I have been here a life time, and yet I still am discovering Nepal. It is hard to reflect on a year that I don't feel has happened. Was it really a year ago, that I arrived in Tribuviran Airport? For those at home it may feel like that and more, but for me, it still feels surreal at times. When I am on a micro riding up to Godavari and see the clouds along the mountains, I can't help but wonder if this is a Lord of the Rings inspired dream. When I walk into 3C laughing and running around, I can't help but wonder am I really lucky enough to spend my days with them? When I am with my family drinking chiyaa and learning Nepali, I think how am I this blessed? Or when I am in the kitchen with Pat, D, and Sarah, laughing and talking it's hard not to feel like this isn't real.
I am grateful for all that this exprience has brought me so far and I am looking forward to what I can take from it in this coming year. I have learned a lot about life and expectations in the past year. It has been an unexpected journey to be where I am today. I came to Nepal expecting to do social work with HIV/AIDS patients and students, and I am a class 1 and 3 math teacher. I came to Nepal thinking I would be living in "town" and now feel more at home in the village. I came to Nepal expecting stablitly and found my life unstable for ten months. I came to Nepal thinking I would have the same community for a year but am finding myself having to relearn what community means to me. And while this was not always easy, I am grateful.
I have thought a long time about what it would feel like to be at this point; one year. I still am not sure if I will ever fully understand all that this year has brought, but I do know that I want to continue to fall in love with this place. To be as awed by its beauty as when I first arrived. To never find something mundane, to seek out the good, even in the difficult times. I have been streached and challenged beyond what I thought I could this past year, and I want that to continue. I want to keep growing, and to let Nepal in. Into my mind, my actions and my heart. I hope that in a year from now I feel an emptiness in leaving as I did a year ago when I left home.
While at the Bangkok airport I wrote a journal entry that said "Expirience it, let Nepal in, and let whatever go that keeps you from this. Be broken." At the time I had no idea just how much this would effect my time here. I have learned that allowing yourself to let go of the past, to let go of the future and to just live in the present, allows you to be apart of life, and not just a watcher. By letting myself be broken by what I expirience, I find myself open to all that Nepal brings, both good and bad, which allows me to live and just be in Nepal. This has been a long and difficult journey that I am still on, but each day I find something else to inspire me from the Grandfathers who walk their grandsons to school every morning, to the little girl who falls asleep on my shoulder in a micro.
And while I still miss home and those I love, I know that I carry them with me wherever I go, and that this expirience is mine as it is theirs. But for now, I need to continue to grow in love, while here. I accpeted this position not knowing anything about Nepal, and now, I can't imagine not knowing it. And that is a good place to be.