The Power and The Glory

I just finished reading Ghram Greene’s The Power and The Glory which was a really good read. It had a Steinbeck feel to it. There was a part in it when the main character, an exiled priest, is back in a safe area, and he is thinking of how quickly he is adopting to this life he knew before being exiled, and how easily he was forgetting what he learned in the struggles of exile. This part really sticks with me, because in a world of Targets and Starbucks, where will Nepal fit in?
I love Target, I love being able to run down the road and have everything I need in one store, I love hot showers, I love the feeling of walking into a heated house, fresh clothes from the dryer, white chocolate macchiatos, with skim milk, easy on the foam; all of these that are so clearly western and a symbol of a comfortable life. But I also have the same love for a good Dhaal Bhatt, sitting in a room with the cooking fire, scrubbing clothes on a cement floor, bucket showers, the stinging cold, all that are very much Nepal. But as difficult as it was to come to love these things, how easy will it be to fall back in love with home?
I have learned so much here that I don’t want to forget. The smell of a crisp morning, the warmth of a good cup of chiyaa, how walking doesn’t limit your destinations, rather expands them. How happiness can be found in strangers and the chance encounters, communication and language are more then words, dish hands are as beautiful as smooth ones, hospitality isn’t just a word it’s a belief, children deserve more attention then leaders, you lose so much when you surround your self with “conveniences,” people will let you down, but those who matter lift you back up, there is beauty of the simple living of each day, of calling home, home, of family, and most importantly how easy it is to forget all of this when things are difficult.
So what will happen, when I home and it’s not easy to live simply? When it is a cold day and it will be easy to hop in a car for a 10 minute ride, as oppose to walking or taking my bike. What will I chose? Or when those cute shoes I don’t need go on sale? When life is easy to escape in front of the TV. Will I remember the moments here when I found peace journaling in the sun on a beautiful winter day? Or will I get in the car and stop at a Starbucks on the way to the store?
How much have I really let Nepal infiltrate my life? Or is it nothing more then experiences to e-mail friends about, or a good bar story when I come home…This time I lived in Nepal. How do I make this more then a badge to wear when it benefits me?
I am not saying I want to forget what made me happy when I was home, because I need to remember that, I need to find the good in going back. But I want to take away the superficial of it. I will still drink Starbucks, and go to Target, but not to fill my life with things, but because I like the one on one time going to Target on Sundays gives me with my mom, I like being able to talk to Sarah about things only she would understand on the way to Starbucks. These interactions are why I should go, not because I am bored and am looking for something to fulfill me. I want to go home with what really does fulfill me. Nature, conversation, reading, passions that actually do fill me, and not just give me fleeting moments of happiness. So that when I do feel restless, I grab my bike and go for a ride, call a friend, write a letter, do the things I have discovered here that make me feel genuinely happy, fulfilling me with out filling my life or closet with the unnecessary.
I have realized that what I look forward to about home has changed. When I first got here I couldn’t wait to have a Portillo’s cheeseburger, or new earrings, or a sweater from the Gap. But now it’s the idea of a baseball game with Sheila, or a concert with Sarah and Michael, walks with Riley, snow, Christmas lights, family dinners, riding my bike, Dad laughing, lawn mowers; things I never I knew I loved. It’s these things that we come to miss when the superficial fall away. When owning 5 t-shirts seems a bit much, when water tastes just as good as soda, when you crave Dhaal Bhatt as much as cheese fries; when you let what is important and what is present take over. Something I hope to always be challenged by.

Batastic

The only time I ever saw a real life bat was when it flew into my Uncle’s house. I was 8 and hid in my cousin’s room with my Mom and Aunt, not paying attention to all the banging going on downstairs. At some point my Uncle yelled up “It’s gone!” And that was it. Flash forward fifteen years, to me in Nepal. It is a Sunday evening, we have just finished watching an Office episode and I am exhausted, I close my eyes and am out, until I hear Denise ask “Caleen, do you have a light?” I stumble out of my bed to find my headlamp thinking it’s a bird outside our roof again, and shine it towards the ceiling, in which something comes fluttering down. I fall to the ground Army style as Denise dives under her covers…It is a bat, in our room. We decided the best thing is to get out of the room and re-group. So hoods up, we sprint out our door. We make it into the hallway adrenaline pumping. Among Dwight Schrutte jokes and impersonations, we realize we have to do something. So, our first step,turn on the light, and figure out where is this bat? So, I stick my arm around the door, turn on our lights, and jump out to the hallway, heart pumping. We peak our heads in to see a bat, dive bombing in circles around the room. Of course all of our windows are closed because, it’s cold. Great. It is about this time Pat comes out to the hallway and we devise a plan. With a laundry basket “helmet”, rain coat and mittens on, he goes in and opens 2 of our windows. Then we wait, laugh a little, and pray it leaves. Each time we peak our head in we dive out of the way of our kwazikami bat. As we decide to go in to open the adjacent windows, I notice a silence. We walk in, alas, no death defying bat flying at us, just an eerie silence. We take the headlamp and shine it all around the rafters in our ceiling. Nothing. So we hug it out, and Denise and I turn on Friends to calm us and climb back into bed, and try to sleep again. But just as I start to calm down, in the dim light of the small DVD player, we see something flutter down again. Our friend is back. As we deliberate from under our blankets on what to do we again realize we can not just stay like this, so this time we plan to open windows, and turn on the light on our way out of the room. I pull on my hood, scarf and mittens and Okay, deep breathe, on three..1…2..3.. RUN!! I bolt from bed to the windows across the room, thinking duck and go, duck and go. I open the windows, turn on the light and jump into the hallway. We are back to the drawing board, though this time, we have another laundry basket “helmet.” Pat comes back out dressed and ready to go, we decide to try the Chris Wall style and go into the room to shout it out. So I grab the extra basket “helmet” and we go in. We shout, we stomp, but the bat still comes at us, forcing us to dive and slid across the room. The bat seems confused on which way to go, so just spins circles around the room, swooping in and out. At this point, Denise has grabbed a sheet, so we decide its time to force it out. I take of the helmet, its go time. Insert Pat in helmet, mittens and raincoat, me in hoodie, pink scarf, and mittens holding a sheet, running towards the bat, yelling (why I’m not sure). But the bat just swoops towards us and moves on. At this point we need a new plan. Pat and Denise are talking strategy and I am watching the bat, when all of a sudden it takes another dive towards me, with sheet in hand I raise and swing, sending the bat flying across the room, hitting the wall and sliding down dazed. “ I THINK I HIT IT” I scream. Pat and I slowly make our way across the room where we see tucked behind Denise’s sleeping bag, Batty. His little wing is fluttering, but Pat grabs his helmet and throws it on top. Next challenge, getting him out. I am convinced I have killed him, and now every PETA sponsored remorse comes into to me. I repeat over and over,”I think I killed him.,,,Did I kill him?” In which Pat finally explains “No, I think you just terrified it.” We have the basket over him but how to get that covered. My exhaustion (or so I claim) recommends using the sheet. But a more sensible solution comes from Denise bringing in our flat metal pot cover. And so in a quick motion we cover the basket, and bring Batty upstairs to our roof, where we uncover the top and run, hoping he can find his way from here.
We once again head downstairs, calmer, knowing we saw it leave this time. We hug it out once more, quote the Office a little more, say our good nights, and head back to bed. Just another night in Godavari.

World On Fire

A little place called home (we live upstairs)


Our rooftop


My favorite animals here; baby goats


The little surprises we'd find during monsoon


Swimming Competition
(Courtesy of Pat)


Class 7 Irish Dancing


The whole Irish Dancing crew


Welcome to 3C


My classroom


The gentleman of 3C


The Ladies of 3C


3C continued


Resham, she's the strength in 3C


Pratik & Rachit they find ways to make me laugh, usually to get themselves out of trouble


Class 3C Mendi


And LEAP!


Utav, my Sports day buddy



Abhib, our little linebacker


Rohan, my class 2 friend.


Where I find my smiles


Steph and Me


Everest


Protein


Our friend on the trail


Dad and Me


We climed this


Sheila


Our rowboats in Pokhara


Sarah and Michael on the flight


Dad and Mom

Just Because I am Hurting, Doesn't mean I'm hurt....

The kites are put away, the new clothes are now old, and the moon will be in its fullest tonight, which means that Dashain has ended. This Dashain, brought my family, which was amazing. My surprise visitors were my mom and cousin Stephanie, which was more wonderful then I could imagine. Having both my parents, Sheila and Steph here was a much needed refresher. I didn’t realize how much I had missed them until I saw them walking towards me, it was just a release of emotion.
Our time together was just what I needed. We saw all of “my” Nepal with highlights of Lonely Planet’s Nepal. They were able to meet my kiddos in 3C, which was nice for not only them but my students, because I think they both hear as much about each other so it was good for the worlds to bond. We met my family here, which was a beautiful connecting of my life here and at home…family. Then we traveled outside the valley, went on a Mountain flight, ate good food, talked, and of course shopped. It was just unbelievable to finally share this with them. Their leaving was nothing I could anticipate and am still handling. It was just hard to say goodbye to not only them but the comfort they bring. But it made going home something I am excited about, and not so scary. This little blurb is not doing their visit enough justice, but I would never be able to explain just how much having them here has meant to me.
Not only was their presence nice, it was necessary. It showed me so much that I had forgotten or not believed. In the past couple of months, different experiences had made me a little hard towards my “JV” experience here. From a new form of “sometimes you need a good beating” corporal punishment at the school, to bad encounters with staff, to valuing Parent’s day practices over classes, and in general just an exhaustion of everything, I had grown a little resentful towards life as a JV here. Enter family and a whole new perspective. Seeing Nepal through their new eyes, reminded me, I like Nepal. It is an unbelievably beautiful place, with amazingly hospitable people. It is common for someone to go out of their way to help you, or to get you something. People here enjoy people. And the simplicity of interacting with one another, whether it’s at a restaurant, on the street, or during a bargaining deal, it is the simple human interaction that people thrive on. I also for the first time was the only person who could speak Nepali, so I had too, and guess what? I can. It is something that is easily forgotten when Nepali becomes a contest of smarts, and not a language to use. I am comfortable and happy here, which was something that I was forgetting more and more. It seems that as I continue my time here, it doesn’t necessary get easier. Yes, I can communicate, I know my students, lesson plans come quicker, all that, but I am challenged as much today as when I first got off the plane. I am challenged in my thinking, my actions, my “western” views, my beliefs, and it is because of these challenges that I have cried,laughed, hated and loved Nepal with the same passion. This passion is what makes my time here what it is; a continual journey of the heart.

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”
Henry Drummond

It's a beautiful crisp Nepali morning. The Himalayas are out, I have a cup of real coffee, and the sun is starting to peak out, which means I am in the perfect mood for updates.
Things are going well as we come towards the middle of Term II and Dashain break. We just had Class 3 and 4 Parents Day, which is a big performance for the students to do for their parents. I taught 20 kids Irish Dancing, 15 of which are the most energetic boys I teach. It was a lot of work, and pulled hair, but the end result was worth it. They did so well! I was so happy and proud of them, but I am also glad that it is done, and we can get back into "school." With parent's day came parent's day practice which took priority over class, so for the past two weeks, I have been doing Caleen Misses Math Boot Camp, in which we have been studying and learning the basics, like addition and multiplication factors, so that there are no more counting fingers or simple mistakes on tests. But now, it will be back to fractions.
3C and I are also preparing for our class assembly which is in two weeks. The class assembly is a mini parents day which is performed for the school. My theme is Change the World, and before you roll your eyes and my idealistic theme, it is about how everyone can do their part to create change, even kids who live in Godavari, Nepal. We are singing "My Own Two Hands" by Jack Johnson and Ben Harper. Followed by a skit and ending the show with Dave Matthews "Best of What's Around." I am excited for it and I think the kids will do a really good job. I have realized through Parent's Day just how attached I am to my kids. I was running around making sure I could see all of my 3C kiddos performances. I am really lucky to have such a wonderful class, and in general to have such a great time with all of the class 3 kids.
Which brings me to my b-day. To be honest I didn’t think much of it, I have been missing home a bit with the transition and Katie and Sean leaving that it just kinda came up. I went up to Sujana’s house the night before my birthday where we had cake I brought, a delicious meal, and just a comfort I needed of home when I felt so far from it. Then in the morning, I was given pouja with my morning chiyaa and a blessing from Mummy. And went home with a smile at just how blessed I was to be spending my 23rd birthday here. And the blessings continued as I came home to house that Pat, Sarah and D had decorated, real coffee and a phone call from home. But I could never have predicted what school would bring. I walked to the lower staff room where my desk is and was meet by Aashna, the queen of 3C, and she told me to wait to come to the classroom until the bell, which I did. And as I walked to the class I heard the giggles of my students and them shhsing each other. I walked in to see my students hiding under their desks, only to jump up and shout out surprise!!!! And then give me one of the loudest renditions of Happy Birthday. I was overwhelmed as they showered me with cards and gifts. I was overcome with emotion at just how willing children are to love and to show their love. I will never forget how I blessed I felt as I opened gifts from kids who gave me their pages of stickers and drawings, or flowers. Some using their own money to buy me a trinket, and its not their gifts that touch me, it is the gesture in which they so willingly gave what they could. This continued through out the day as I walked into every class and was greeted by their own unique rendition of Happy Birthday followed by a showering of gifts and cards. It was the happiest I have felt in a long time. And it was because they just love, with out any question or hesitation. Even those who I am harder on, they love, and it was then that I realized just the gift I have been given in being a part of their lives for this next year.
The birthday continued with a wonderful dinner at my favorite restaurant in town, with Sarah, Pat, and D. Complete with our snuck in whiskey and Pepsi MU stlye. Followed the next day by going to a movie theater (!) to see a Hindi film (my guilty pleasure). All in all it was a beautiful birthday.
After my birthday came Teej. This is a festival to pray and fast for your current husband or future husband, but as I learned last year it is a day to spend with the women you love. We were able to dress in red saris for school on Monday (the day before the main Teej day) and found out at the morning assembly that there would be a program that afternoon in which the women would dance. At first I was like no way, but once we were called up onto the "stage" I just let go and enjoyed it. Our students were able to come up and join us after they realized that there were only 2 other teachers besides us JV's willing to dance. And I had a ball with my girls. They taught me their dance moves and we spent the afternoon laughing, and dancing. It was so freeing to not care what I looked like and to just have fun with them. I could not have had a more perfect Teej day then that.
We are now all looking forward to Dashain holiday. Pat, and D are heading out to trek the Annupurnas, Sarah is spending it here with her Nepali family, and I am looking forward to spending it with my dad, Sheila and two other b-day surprise guests who despite my attempts are still very much a secret to me. We currently have a pool going at the house if anyone would like in. Otherwise things are going well here. The government is the most stable it has been since arriving, we've only had one bandh in the past 2 months, and it seems like this might work. I am at peace, and looking forward to the rejuvenation that visitors and holidays bring. Hope you are all doing well, and until next time much love and peace.

Bistari Janus

While applying to JVI, I kept hearing about community, and just thought of it as the people you live with, but over the past year I have learned that it is something that becomes a part of you, and those you share it with are woven into your life forever.
Katie and Sean, were more then just the people I came home to. We worked together, ate together, explored together, and lived together in all senses of the word. Which is what makes their recent leaving so difficult, because for so long they have been all that Nepal is to me. When ever I needed something, I always could count on them from khurta shopping, to book recommendations, to life conversations, they were there. Over the past year we have shared so much of our lives together and learned from each other. It is difficult to picture what Nepal will be like, now that I can’t hop on a micro and meet Katie for some chiyaa or build a tent with Sean.
I was challenged and stretched by both of them and found a deep respect for them. They both took me in, this girl from Chicago with the Wisconsin accent, and made me feel at home in a place that was anything but. They listened to my stories, and told me theirs. We spent hours after dinner was finished and chiyaa was drunk, deep in conversation, learning and growing.
Sean was the one who taught me about the history and politics of Nepal. He made a mess seem somewhat understandable. He taught me how to ride a bike in Kathmandu, he showed me the wonders of Blue Fox, and he was always willing to go get last minute veggies for dinner. But beyond that, he listened when I needed someone to, he took my sass, and gave it back, and he cared in a place that can feel so uncaring at times.
Katie taught me my Nepali, she taught me how bargain, to make the best banana bread, to buy khurtas. But these are also just things. Beyond this, she was my support, my anchor when I felt lost. She showed me how to be a woman in Nepal, and gave me comfort when that was hard. I learned that hospitality goes both ways, and that even when you are exhausted, there is always time for chiyaa. We could talk for hours about anything, but mostly importantly we could just be.
I didn’t realize that when I left home, I would find another here. I didn’t expect that when I left my family, I would form another here. And now just like when I said goodbye at O’Hare, I find myself with that same emptiness as I said goodbye at Tribhuvan airport. But I find comfort in knowing that I carry them with me, and that just like family we will always be apart of each other.

One Year

It is hard to believe that I am actually writting this blog. When I first got to Nepal, I never thought this day would come and now that I am here, I fear that it will come again all to quickly. At times it seems like yesterday I arrived and on others it feels like I have been here a life time, and yet I still am discovering Nepal. It is hard to reflect on a year that I don't feel has happened. Was it really a year ago, that I arrived in Tribuviran Airport? For those at home it may feel like that and more, but for me, it still feels surreal at times. When I am on a micro riding up to Godavari and see the clouds along the mountains, I can't help but wonder if this is a Lord of the Rings inspired dream. When I walk into 3C laughing and running around, I can't help but wonder am I really lucky enough to spend my days with them? When I am with my family drinking chiyaa and learning Nepali, I think how am I this blessed? Or when I am in the kitchen with Pat, D, and Sarah, laughing and talking it's hard not to feel like this isn't real.
I am grateful for all that this exprience has brought me so far and I am looking forward to what I can take from it in this coming year. I have learned a lot about life and expectations in the past year. It has been an unexpected journey to be where I am today. I came to Nepal expecting to do social work with HIV/AIDS patients and students, and I am a class 1 and 3 math teacher. I came to Nepal thinking I would be living in "town" and now feel more at home in the village. I came to Nepal expecting stablitly and found my life unstable for ten months. I came to Nepal thinking I would have the same community for a year but am finding myself having to relearn what community means to me. And while this was not always easy, I am grateful.
I have thought a long time about what it would feel like to be at this point; one year. I still am not sure if I will ever fully understand all that this year has brought, but I do know that I want to continue to fall in love with this place. To be as awed by its beauty as when I first arrived. To never find something mundane, to seek out the good, even in the difficult times. I have been streached and challenged beyond what I thought I could this past year, and I want that to continue. I want to keep growing, and to let Nepal in. Into my mind, my actions and my heart. I hope that in a year from now I feel an emptiness in leaving as I did a year ago when I left home.
While at the Bangkok airport I wrote a journal entry that said "Expirience it, let Nepal in, and let whatever go that keeps you from this. Be broken." At the time I had no idea just how much this would effect my time here. I have learned that allowing yourself to let go of the past, to let go of the future and to just live in the present, allows you to be apart of life, and not just a watcher. By letting myself be broken by what I expirience, I find myself open to all that Nepal brings, both good and bad, which allows me to live and just be in Nepal. This has been a long and difficult journey that I am still on, but each day I find something else to inspire me from the Grandfathers who walk their grandsons to school every morning, to the little girl who falls asleep on my shoulder in a micro.
And while I still miss home and those I love, I know that I carry them with me wherever I go, and that this expirience is mine as it is theirs. But for now, I need to continue to grow in love, while here. I accpeted this position not knowing anything about Nepal, and now, I can't imagine not knowing it. And that is a good place to be.